Wildlife is God's way of getting rid of drunken tourists

This just in. Well, only three weeks ago.

But can't you picture the pandas sitting around talking: "You know, dude, I'm a vegetarian. Even if they come in, I'm not biting 'em. . . . I mean, look at them, so helpless, and almost intelligent." "No way, I'm chowing down. If God didn't intend for us to eat them, then why would he marinate them in beer before sending them?"